Peeved

I’m going to tell you my 15 biggest pet peeves and annoyances because why not? You will quickly learn that I strongly dislike having weird substances on my hands and I don’t like people who treat other people badly/stupidly.  I’m sure a lot of these are relatable for some people and I’m not saying that I’m completely innocent in the use of/behaviors that are expressed here. These are not pointed at anyone directly and please don’t take offense at them. < That sentence sounds like a disclaimer. Here goes:

1. Butter on my hands –Butter is the WORST. It feels so nasty and slippery; a close second is egg yolky stuff, and then other oily things like….well, oil.

2. Eating loud foods in quiet places – do you really need to eat chips in the library? (I’m looking at you LECOM. Carrots for god’s sake) If we are in a place for eating, eat away! It’s a free country so eat as loudly as you want. But lets keep quiet places quiet, shall we?

3. Misuse of literally – you cannot say, “I literally died.” You didn’t. You figuratively died. Literally means precisely, actually, factually and truly. Figuratively means metaphorically. Please use them correctly, I am literally done with misuse.

4. Those people who ask questions when class is 2 minutes from being over – WHY? Everyone is so ready to leave, and you ask a question that requires a 5-minute answer. That is not okay, and now you are “that guy.” You silly college student. Take my advice, ask the teacher by yourself when everyone else has left.

5. Bad drivers – I’m pretty sure that everyone hates bad drivers. The main offenses:

  • No turn signal – come on, its so easy, just flip the lever.
  • Cutting me off – just not nice
  • Tailgating – all you’re making me do is stay in front of you so I can annoy you.
  • Not using lights correctly – Green means go. Yellow means go but cautiously and quickly. Red means stop. **The more you know**

6. Wal-Mart moms – this doesn’t mean all moms in Wal-Mart, just the ones who are in there at 11:30pm with a 3 year old who is crying because they’re tired and the mom screams at them. You, ma’am, are an asshole. Take your child home and put them to bed and buy your snuggie tomorrow. (Real life example!)

7. Styrofoam – this came from a recent epiphany after unpacking Christmas decorations and those little white pieces were on my clothes. IT. GETS. EVERYWHERE. And it’s impossible to get off. Also it makes that horrible squeaky noise whenever it rubs against anything. The kind of noise that makes your ears bleed, figuratively. Engineers of the world: 1 Everybody’s ears: 0.

8. Staring (easily fixed) – people don’t need to stare. It’s not nice. Luckily, it is so very easily fixed. Here’s what you do when you find someone staring at you:

  1. Make eye contact and stare intently back until they become so awkward that they look away.
  2. Laugh in triumph.

This technique does not apply while you are behind the wheel of a car, but it is perfectly acceptable in the passenger’s seat.

9. Speed Bumps – lets face it, they don’t work and everyone hates them. Enough said.

10. Music ADD – okay, I was infected with it for much of my high school life. I understand skipping the last few seconds of a song, but don’t listen to a song for a minute and then switch it to another song. And it is always when someone else is just getting into the song and starting to sing it (me, mostly), when you change it in the middle of my rock out session. Then we both look silly. Moral of the story: appreciate each song for its whole duration, life will be happier.

11. People who call other people hun and babe – unless you are 60+, calling someone hun is not cute. I think it sounds condescending and I feel like there are better words you can use. Please don’t call me hun. As far as babe goes, its one of those endearments that makes me feel awkward. Also, it makes me think of the talking pig.  If I ever call someone babe, please shoot me.

12. Texting and driving – its unsafe, unnecessary, and stupid. Your life is way more valuable than a text message, no matter what it is about. Anyone who texts while driving is automatically a terrible driver. Also, your car is really, really expensive and wouldn’t look good wrapped around a tree. Stop. Texting.

13. Bad Grammar – I’m not trying to be a grammar Nazi but some words really aren’t that hard to use. Good thing I can teach you about the 3 biggest offenders.

They’re, their and there: They’re going there so they can see their parents.

Your and you’re: You’re so funny. This is your room.

Two, To, and Too: It is too far away. There are two of them. We are going to the fair.

14. CHARCOAL – Another recent development caused by my drawing class this past semester. It dyes your skin black for several days to weeks, depending on how much you accidently grind into your skin. We probably had 10 charcoal assignments for class and I’m pretty sure my roommate hates me a little bit because no matter how much I sweep, there is always charcoal on our floor and therefore our feet and socks. Sorry Marissa, I hate it too!

15. Anticlimactic endings – and that is all I’ve got. 😉

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One thought on “Peeved

  1. I am procrastinating going to bed so I read your blog…
    I am sorry for being an offender if many of your peves.
    I felt bad for you when you had to use charcoal (because I know you hated it) therefore any annoyance I may have had walking across the floor and my feet turning black was offset by my pity for you 😉
    Keep being awesome
    P. S… You are good at the creepy state… Don’t do it

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